I remember standing there contemplatively, as someone whose unique maturity had just been realized. A noble composure of modesty and grace was within me as I lowered my gaze to the robe which draped me. I noticed how it flowed in a manner so as to completely cover my feet without bunching, upon a floor that I could only be certain was there. As if I had recognized my body for the very first time, I studied how this robe fell over a tall and sleek form which was me. It was a dark robe whose satiny folds reflected back the pastel illumination of my surroundings.
With no evidence of door or entryway, it was soon apparent that I was within an isolated chamber whose dimensions were obscured by a curtain of light. It was as if I were enshrouded by the fleeciest material one could imagine, and it encircled me entirely. My gossamer environment was accentuated by this veil of undulating light pouring downward as if it were a waterfall from some indeterminately lofty place overhead. The light changed with discreet variations in the spectrum of violet and blue, exuding a sense of serenity and calm in which I could have remained immersed for an eternity.
As I stood there so motionless and absorbed in the ambiance, a discreet realization soon came to me that four extraordinarily quiet entities had been tending to my robe all along. My entourage consisted of two entities kneeling at either forward side of me, and two moving back and forth behind me at my shoulders. They appeared to be grooming it with a profound amount of concentration, barely acknowledging that I was even present within the thing. Though it was with only a fleeting curiosity anyway, the focus of their attentiveness had eluded me. Their presence emerged as meaningful only in as much that I had noticed how intensely they were working upon my robe, when the realization welled up in me that they were in fact preparing me for a journey upon which I was about to embark. Suddenly, the presence of my attendants was not nearly as important as the journey itself.
In the instant of my retinue’s diminishing significance, a sense of anxiety began to overwhelm me. I felt as somebody who was about to be swept away from a very peaceful calm that for all I knew, may never again be found. A mental process was going on inside of me which became both compulsory and imperative. As if a blind mandate had befallen me, I had realized some dutiful need to make several important choices. Without warning, obligation had transformed into confrontation as I comprehended the duty I now had to face. My immediate attention was required before I would be able to leave this hall of light.
The choices to be made were quite literally reflections on matters of life and death. More precisely, I was choosing "aspects" of my life which had to be experienced. A balance had to be reached, for were I to not make enough choices, "life" might have to be canceled for lack of meaningful reasons to live it. While on the other hand, in making too many selections, I would be hard pressed to carry out all of my upcoming earthly obligations. Grappling with the knowledge of choices being made becoming choices that I would own, I made a valiant effort with an inspired combination of shrewdness and prudence.
These choices were threatening in their simplicity. Visages of physical, mental or emotional standpoints floated in and out of my awareness. Choices existing as if to fulfill primary requirements intimate to the environment I would enter. While they flitted to and fro, the oppressive realization rested within me, that they were not my choices at all, but merely choices upon which all I had to do was make a decision. But worse, was the sense of urgency, for I was already in the process of manifesting within this - as of yet - unchosen life.
By the time I had reached this conclusion, I had already begun to realize that my choices were rapidly dwindling into more extreme - and far less preferred - limitations. It seemed that I would not be allowed to decide twice on anything that was presented before me. It was either, "Yes or No; and right now without the consequences of the choice ever being revealed! And in spite of all that, I knew in the back of my mind that the fewer choices being made would recessively equate to a diminishing degree of quality for that life.
There was an interesting sensation of self honesty throughout all of this - even beyond the anxiety that I felt. Obviously, there were vibrations of a very high order about the whole ordeal. At once, I was being presented with many situations capable of stimulating one’s character with both joy and sorrow, while offering in return an unbiased consent regardless of the fears inherent with each decision to be made. In the timeless moment, I had made decisions regarding physical appearances and mental limitations. I had decided upon emotional scars yet to endure and the exchange ratio between charisma and personal fortitude that would be necessary while stumbling through the low points of this life.
It is said that one’s whole life flashes before them in the moment before death, yet I will add from my own personal experience, that even as life is reviewed prior to death, it is previewed prior to living it as well. With no concept of anything else in all of existence between these moments, there was yet a whole world of possibilities swirling around in my consciousness. A plethora of life events flitted in and out of my perception. It was a cornucopia of experiences placed before me, and all that I had to do was select from them as they poured forth.
In haste, I had to choose, "....This one. That one... No; not that. This will fit ... No. Yes... This one as well...."
I cannot say for how long the decisions were put before me. It could have been in an instantaneous split second or I could have stood there for eons making the decisions. Nor could I have said with certainty what might have happened had I refused to decide altogether. I strongly felt that the whole succession of events was irreversible.
Soon, this "process of elimination" was becoming vague to me. What had once seemed to be a hair’s breadth away now began to recede with a pronounced velocity. For a sporadic moment, I had mentally lashed out in a futile attempt to cling to something that I was not ready to abandon. But I was awash with an irrepressible sinking sensation. It was as if each atomic particle of my being was being individually introduced to gravity for its very first time. As a reaction to that event, the memory of making selections at all, and of plucking distasteful carnifications from thin air simply vanished into the ghosts of time. I was descending. It could be described as dying, but in reverse. As if stepping through a doorway from one room into another with the eyes closed, I simply changed my "place".
From the beginning of "Absorption" to the final "Saturation", my consciousness moved along a well defined course. In retrospect, I can admit that while standing there with the others, I felt such a reluctance to help they who were grooming my gown, for fear that it would expedite my departure. As the choices became apparent, reluctance became loathing and then remorse. Yet with each selection that I grasped, I felt significantly closer to some concept of an end point looming before me.
Eventually, even as my incorporeal particle descended, a calming effect overwhelmed me until ultimately, I found myself in a very contemplative attitude all over again. But this time, it came with the realization as well, that I lay upon my back as a very tiny person in swaddling cloth within a very quiet sunny room. My vision returned as if I had just opened my eyes. I was in my crib watching a mobile of flat animal shapes turning lazily overhead. It was as if I had just regained consciousness from a fainting spell. Previous images becoming darkness, and that darkness a history dissolving into the view of the current environment as if oxygen had just returned to my blood. Physically, I had just then become self aware.
This lucid experience at such an early age is not likely to be unusual amongst other individuals. Simply because one does not remember their own moment of self awareness does not give reason to discount the experience altogether. There are many things about our uniqueness; each carrying it’s own significance or importance. Most would choose to not remember such an experience because they are now, in fact, members of the physical world. Therefore, the physical world sensations and experiences are the priority for the individual, and that which precedes this is rendered suppressed.
With no evidence of door or entryway, it was soon apparent that I was within an isolated chamber whose dimensions were obscured by a curtain of light. It was as if I were enshrouded by the fleeciest material one could imagine, and it encircled me entirely. My gossamer environment was accentuated by this veil of undulating light pouring downward as if it were a waterfall from some indeterminately lofty place overhead. The light changed with discreet variations in the spectrum of violet and blue, exuding a sense of serenity and calm in which I could have remained immersed for an eternity.
As I stood there so motionless and absorbed in the ambiance, a discreet realization soon came to me that four extraordinarily quiet entities had been tending to my robe all along. My entourage consisted of two entities kneeling at either forward side of me, and two moving back and forth behind me at my shoulders. They appeared to be grooming it with a profound amount of concentration, barely acknowledging that I was even present within the thing. Though it was with only a fleeting curiosity anyway, the focus of their attentiveness had eluded me. Their presence emerged as meaningful only in as much that I had noticed how intensely they were working upon my robe, when the realization welled up in me that they were in fact preparing me for a journey upon which I was about to embark. Suddenly, the presence of my attendants was not nearly as important as the journey itself.
In the instant of my retinue’s diminishing significance, a sense of anxiety began to overwhelm me. I felt as somebody who was about to be swept away from a very peaceful calm that for all I knew, may never again be found. A mental process was going on inside of me which became both compulsory and imperative. As if a blind mandate had befallen me, I had realized some dutiful need to make several important choices. Without warning, obligation had transformed into confrontation as I comprehended the duty I now had to face. My immediate attention was required before I would be able to leave this hall of light.
The choices to be made were quite literally reflections on matters of life and death. More precisely, I was choosing "aspects" of my life which had to be experienced. A balance had to be reached, for were I to not make enough choices, "life" might have to be canceled for lack of meaningful reasons to live it. While on the other hand, in making too many selections, I would be hard pressed to carry out all of my upcoming earthly obligations. Grappling with the knowledge of choices being made becoming choices that I would own, I made a valiant effort with an inspired combination of shrewdness and prudence.
These choices were threatening in their simplicity. Visages of physical, mental or emotional standpoints floated in and out of my awareness. Choices existing as if to fulfill primary requirements intimate to the environment I would enter. While they flitted to and fro, the oppressive realization rested within me, that they were not my choices at all, but merely choices upon which all I had to do was make a decision. But worse, was the sense of urgency, for I was already in the process of manifesting within this - as of yet - unchosen life.
By the time I had reached this conclusion, I had already begun to realize that my choices were rapidly dwindling into more extreme - and far less preferred - limitations. It seemed that I would not be allowed to decide twice on anything that was presented before me. It was either, "Yes or No; and right now without the consequences of the choice ever being revealed! And in spite of all that, I knew in the back of my mind that the fewer choices being made would recessively equate to a diminishing degree of quality for that life.
There was an interesting sensation of self honesty throughout all of this - even beyond the anxiety that I felt. Obviously, there were vibrations of a very high order about the whole ordeal. At once, I was being presented with many situations capable of stimulating one’s character with both joy and sorrow, while offering in return an unbiased consent regardless of the fears inherent with each decision to be made. In the timeless moment, I had made decisions regarding physical appearances and mental limitations. I had decided upon emotional scars yet to endure and the exchange ratio between charisma and personal fortitude that would be necessary while stumbling through the low points of this life.
It is said that one’s whole life flashes before them in the moment before death, yet I will add from my own personal experience, that even as life is reviewed prior to death, it is previewed prior to living it as well. With no concept of anything else in all of existence between these moments, there was yet a whole world of possibilities swirling around in my consciousness. A plethora of life events flitted in and out of my perception. It was a cornucopia of experiences placed before me, and all that I had to do was select from them as they poured forth.
In haste, I had to choose, "....This one. That one... No; not that. This will fit ... No. Yes... This one as well...."
I cannot say for how long the decisions were put before me. It could have been in an instantaneous split second or I could have stood there for eons making the decisions. Nor could I have said with certainty what might have happened had I refused to decide altogether. I strongly felt that the whole succession of events was irreversible.
Soon, this "process of elimination" was becoming vague to me. What had once seemed to be a hair’s breadth away now began to recede with a pronounced velocity. For a sporadic moment, I had mentally lashed out in a futile attempt to cling to something that I was not ready to abandon. But I was awash with an irrepressible sinking sensation. It was as if each atomic particle of my being was being individually introduced to gravity for its very first time. As a reaction to that event, the memory of making selections at all, and of plucking distasteful carnifications from thin air simply vanished into the ghosts of time. I was descending. It could be described as dying, but in reverse. As if stepping through a doorway from one room into another with the eyes closed, I simply changed my "place".
From the beginning of "Absorption" to the final "Saturation", my consciousness moved along a well defined course. In retrospect, I can admit that while standing there with the others, I felt such a reluctance to help they who were grooming my gown, for fear that it would expedite my departure. As the choices became apparent, reluctance became loathing and then remorse. Yet with each selection that I grasped, I felt significantly closer to some concept of an end point looming before me.
Eventually, even as my incorporeal particle descended, a calming effect overwhelmed me until ultimately, I found myself in a very contemplative attitude all over again. But this time, it came with the realization as well, that I lay upon my back as a very tiny person in swaddling cloth within a very quiet sunny room. My vision returned as if I had just opened my eyes. I was in my crib watching a mobile of flat animal shapes turning lazily overhead. It was as if I had just regained consciousness from a fainting spell. Previous images becoming darkness, and that darkness a history dissolving into the view of the current environment as if oxygen had just returned to my blood. Physically, I had just then become self aware.
This lucid experience at such an early age is not likely to be unusual amongst other individuals. Simply because one does not remember their own moment of self awareness does not give reason to discount the experience altogether. There are many things about our uniqueness; each carrying it’s own significance or importance. Most would choose to not remember such an experience because they are now, in fact, members of the physical world. Therefore, the physical world sensations and experiences are the priority for the individual, and that which precedes this is rendered suppressed.